Golden Rule 3: My conscientious self, guard the secrets of friends as your most sacred trust.
Murshid often links these two words: secret and sacred. When one undertakes initiation in the Sufi Order, one is asked, “Will you receive the spiritual guidance that is offered to you as your sacred and secret trust?” One is enjoined not to speak publicly about the very inner processes of our path, to keep them veiled because that is the proper context for very fine, delicate, transcendental experience. As soon as one begins to speak thoughtlessly about something, it becomes narrowed down and made ordinary.
Likewise this principle has a bearing upon our relationships with others. One of the beauties of friendship is confidence to confide in each other, to feel that one can unburden one’s heart to another in trust and mutual respect for the sanctity of the exchange. It is an intimation from one heart to another, a whispering of secrets and disclosure of the inner story of one’s heart which one keeps so strictly hidden because exposed to public view, it suffers. If we have depth in our life, it is because there is that within us which is difficult to speak of. It shrivels when exposed. It needs the quietude and intimacy of subtle heart-full moments of connection; it cannot be broadcast lest it should become denuded of its paradox, lyricism, and truth. A part of deep friendship is the ability to communicate at an uncommon level. If we expect another’s trust we must be trustworthy which means always resisting the temptation to break confidence, to divulge what is not to be spoken.
We have a tendency to mix up our relationships and that gives rise to many problems. All too often if we have a problem with a person, we tend to mix it up with other people. We go to someone else and complain about that person or we become frustrated with one person and we take it out on another. Sometimes we are surprised by others because they treat us in a totally unexpected way. It is perhaps because that person is frustrated with another and irrationally connects the other person with you.
So if we would seek clarity, we need to treat each relationship as unique and this principle helps us to move in that direction. If someone has confided something in us, it asks us to respect that confidence. Another thing about speaking about people when they are not present is that it tends to take the conversation away from what is happening right here, this present moment. If we would really be alive to one another, it requires a certain consideration when it comes to speaking of those who are not present.
My conscientious self, regard the secrets of friends as your most sacred trust.
